A year ago today....

Disclaimer: This post was not written tear-free. It might make you cry if you are a mom. Also, it's a birth story--so, consider yourself warned. 

I think I am still in denial that my baby has graced our lives for one full year already. I am so happy, yet I am having such a hard time letting go of the "baby" things. I am sad that she will no longer fit in the little pink bath tub, or wear those sweet burrito wraps, also known as swaddlers to go to sleep at night all "snug as a bug in a rug".  I look at her today, and all I see is the clear memory of the first time I saw her beautiful face. Our first encounter at the hospital after her birth. What an experience that was......

Katelyn was actually due on August 28th, but I was sure she was going to be born early since Ellie was. So I took off work a couple of weeks early to spend some one on one time with my oldest child for the "last time" in a while, and to get pampered and relax before the big day. The weeks kept passing and though I had many, many contractions and lots of  false alarms, she did not arrive by her due date. My doctor had told me that she would be surprised if I was still pregnant by Friday after hooking me up to a stress test machine on week 39. She was born late on Monday :) I should have known even in utero this girl was full of surprises!

Like I said, I had several false labor situations so when my water broke early on the morning of August 29th, I shook it off as "oh, its probably nothing." I lifted Ellie up unto our car to go see my friend Robin (who was then on bed rest and now has a beautiful baby girl!) and I felt a little tingle. As in......"did I just pee myself a little bit?" hmmm.......determined to bring my friend some much deserved Starbucks and gossip magazines, I changed my clothes and got on my way. A couple of hours later, I kept leaking at her house and figured I should probably head home......in case this actually was my water breaking but really, I still had my doubts. This was not at all a big gush of water you see in the movies and I was not having regular or painful contractions. By the time I got home......I paged my doctor. When her nurse called me back, my pants were literally soaked. IT WAS GO TIME! I was so excited that she was finally coming that I probably would have peed my pants out of sheer joy, but you know.......too many changes of clothes already :)

Hubby was called, Ellie was fed and dropped off at grandma's and within the hour I was the hospital waiting to get admitted and measuring at 3.5 cm. I was still joking around with Quang the way we always do and walking normally. I got admitted to my room around 5 pm. As my nurse Didee explained all the details (how to recline the bed and how to work the tv, etc.) I started having REAL contractions. Still, I was breathing through them and getting along fine. At 6 PM I was dilated to 6.5 cm. They sent me to go walk around the hospital to speed things up. My mom and my sister in law Uyen arrived then. They were going to be in the room with us during Katelyn's delivery. As we walked around, I had to eat something at the cafeteria despite my orders not to eat. I felt very wrong doing so, but I hadn't eaten much all day and I needed energy if I was going to be pushing in the next few hours. Going back to the birthing center was rough. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I knew that I was soon going to be in serious pain so we went back to the room and I soaked in the tub. At this point, I still knew I wanted to try and go natural if I could. I was absolutely NOT opposed to an epidural, but my hope was to go as long as possible and if this birth was faster than Ellie's, I wanted to experience child birth with all the ups and downs. Why not?

By 9 pm I was in HORRIBLE pain, but this was still progressing a lot faster than Ellie's birth......or so I thought. My doctor had arrived to check on me and I was still at 6.5 cm! How could this be? I was sure I was almost 10 cm. My nurse, who I had grown extremely attached to, was off at 11. She thought for sure we'd be having this baby together, but she was now telling me that I'd have to do it without her. I cried. Really, I did.  She helped me through the pain in a way that I could only hear the words coming out of her mouth and ignore everything else.....she was truly my angel and I wasn't sure I could do it without her.   In her 16+ years, she said, there was one position that she had often tried with moms to speed things up. The birth will come faster she warned, but it would be quite intense. Uhm.......ya. She wasn't kidding. It hurt. I can't even explain how she positioned me but it was like laying side ways with one leg up and holding on the side of the bed for dear life. It worked, and in less than an hour I was ready to push. My doc had to run back to my room and I swear from that point everything happened at warp speed. Kate was born at 11:50, and Didee stayed late to be part of her birth. She was on the phone with her husband as I was pushing "yes honey, just a bit longer. Can you please go get some coffee I will be done soon......" hahaha.

EVERYTHING had worked out the way I had wanted it to. It was a completely different experience than my first, which I think is usually the case. You hear time and time again that unexpected things happen and birth plans often don't go as planned. But mine did. I was euphoric and in love with my little lady......you don't think you can love any child more than your own, but at that moment I felt like I had enough love in my heart for both my girls......my heart was overflowing.

The next day and a half were spent showing her off to our family and best friends who came to visit. But the most important moment came when Ellie peeked her head in the door and ran over to meet her sister for the first time. One of the best moments of my life. When it was time for her to leave, I was nursing Katelyn in bed and she said: "Bye baby sister on mommy's boobie!" Classic Ellie :)

I feel like I want to relive those moments because they were oh so special, but I am also excited for all the fun milestones the next year will bring. The girls are now at such a fun age and every day there is something new and exciting happening. They are becoming play buddies and hug buddies and car riding buddies (while holding hands! awwww). I am so blessed to have the opportunity to watch them grow and be home with them right now. As hard and exhausting as it is......I feel honored to be their mommy.

Katelyn, I love you. I love you so much that I miss you after a few hours of not being around you. You are such an sweet, funny, and beautiful baby and you are going to be one lively toddler, I can tell. Happy Birthday, my little bear. I can't imagine life without you.